Twisted (poem)

Like a wet rag in your hands

my heart is twisted

until every drop

leaks out my eyes.

But God

collects every one.


Love Isn’t Supposed to Hurt (Book Review)

love isn't supposed to hurtI don’t often review books here but this one captured my interest.

I’m not even sure just how Christi Paul was able to write this book, Love Isn’t Supposed to Hurt,  using her real name. In it she tells the story of emotional and verbal abuse and alcoholism of her first husband and gives him a different name. While that is nice, both are in work in television news. It didn’t take much to figure out his real name and find him on-line. What is sad is that he  lost his job because he felt she had lied in this book and obviously hadn’t resolved his alcohol issues. Not sure where he is now but I kind of feel bad for him. Sure, it’s years later, but who wants their dirt publicized for all to see?

Christi tells her story and she sought counseling. She didn’t go through the church for help and healing although she claims faith. She did divorce her husband although to her credit, as the book gives evidence, she did try hard to save the marriage.

So far I haven’t said a ton of positive about the book. It’s a story and a common one, but here is where the really good stuff comes. At the back of her book she has questions that she journaled through and some of them I think are beneficial for anyone in a challenging marriage and may make the price of the book worthwhile for you (hint: I got it free on kindle). The questions are not your typical assignments but a bit more challenging.

For instance:

  • How did verbal abuse serve me?
  • What is the benefit of being alone?
  • How has feeling betrayed helped me?
  • If the painful situation had never happened, what would have been the disadvantage, or what wouldn’t have happened that I now value?

There are many more like these with some examples of her own answers. The rest is her story and I’m glad she had the platform and confidence to share it and spread more awareness of just how even the most accomplished appearing woman can feel trapped in abuse. It raises awareness. Christi Paul is happily re-married and has children and is living a better life. Not everyone gets that kind of outcome. Still, I found the questions at the back of her book compelling to getting me to think about my challenges in a fresh way. Maybe you’ll find them beneficial too.


Lilly Grace

Secondary Gains – The Positive Side. Part 4

So I’ve spent three weeks discussing the negative side of secondary gains. But is it possible there is a positive side as well?

There is!

Sometimes when our marriages are difficult we are freer to do things we might not if we had to fully consider a full partner in the marriage covenant. It’s not that we don’t WANT to have that kind of partnership with our spouse, but how can we when he is distant or abusive?

So we gain some new skills perhaps.

We learn to stand on our own and make decisions.

We widen our source of truth-tellers and gain wisdom.

We depend more on God because the security and love of a spouse cannot be depended on (which is true for ANY woman).

What have you learned that you wouldn’t’ have otherwise?

Who have you been able to have greater compassion for because of your own pain?

Have new opportunities opened up for you that you would have never sought if your marriage was “healthy?”

It behooves us to look to see the positive side of things because there probably are some.

So what secondary gains have you had that are positive?

Lilly Grace