Where Do You Toss the Pits?

I’m not one for seed spitting and I’m not fond of cherries because I find it tedious to suck around the pits. The thing is, even my favorite fruit, a fresh peach, has a pit.

Sweet things have pits.

I had a pit this week in the midst of a sweet thing. My birthday. I made it through the day okay but a day later I’m stuck sucking on a bitter and rough pit. I got a birthday card from my husband and children. But they didn’t actually SAY “Happy Birthday.” My daughter gave me a kiss, and that’s about it.

I got more birthday greetings and love on Facebook (last count it was about 178 and I tried to thank everyone personally) than I did in my own home. My mom dropped off a card a day early which was nice. My only gift was from my parents (a check).

Sour grapes?

The lack of enthusiasm for me on my birthday hurts. My kids would show more if my husband did. They only play “Follow the leader.” Someone said they hoped I was spoiled on my birthday. I don’t think they mean like the rotting food treatment I got from my husband. I was more ignored than celebrated.

Birthdays are depressing for me because of this. It’s not the age that bothers me (it actually kind of confuses me, I certainly cannot be THAT old?). A few years ago I decided to make time to do something fun with friends to celebrate my birthday. I’ve done it three times but the last time it was only two people and me. It was a sweet time anyway.

I had been doing it about every two years.  That would mean this year I should plan something. And I haven’t done it. So there’s no celebration to look forward to. No special meal with friends out at a restaurant with laughter and smiles.

See, I don’t need presents, although I do like gifts. Money is great because that’s where my husband tries to strangle me. Doesn’t that sound mercenary? Face time with friends who encourage and support me in my chronic challenges is a worthy gift. So why do I hesitate to even plan it? Because last time I got such a lukewarm response? Summer is busy and I get that, but so is fall. So when, and what do I do?

How about you? Do you find that celebrations like your birthday only serve to highlight what you lack in the midst of the other sweet things in life? As someone who struggles with major depression it can be harder too. How do I savor the sweet and where do I throw those pits so they don’t spoil rotten?

Blessings,

Lilly Grace

No Gift?

I’ve been feeling a bit blue this Christmas. Financially things are worse than ever. My marriage isn’t good and I’m just feeling depressed about the fact that my difficult challenges in my marriage, are unlikely to change any time soon.

I also know that while there are gifts under the tree for my kids, and even something for my husband, there is nothing for me. Nada. And as I didn’t get anything for my birthday or anniversary from my husband, I doubt there will be anything under the tree with my name on it.

Waaah. Big baby, aren’t I?  I love to give gifts and yes, I do enjoy receiving at least SOME token that someone thought of me. Not to be. So kick me in the behind for having a pity party.

Because this isn’t my birthday anyway. This is the anniversary of the birth of Jesus Christ.  A holy day set aside to remember that the Creator of the Universe deigned to come down in human flesh and endure life on this planet, to safe ungrateful, rude, sinful, selfish, human beings.

Like me.

So instead of moaning about what I won’t get for Christmas, or that I couldn’t enjoy buying and wrapping gifts for people who have blessed me this year. . . I need to think differently. What instead do I have to offer the God who has sacrificially suffered, died and then rose again, simply to have a relationship with me?

My heart is really all I have. I can do a million things for Jesus but not have them mean anything if my heart is not fully devoted to Him.

How do I do that? By spending time with Him. By giving Him all of who I am, my thoughts, my dreams, my desires. Laying that at His feet to do with as He wills. He is my sovereign King.

So this Christmas, I will not be sleeping in. I will be spending time in the quiet, in the solitude, to simply be. Be with the One who loves me more than any human on earth.

And in so doing, I will find my greatest treasure and joy.

Blessings,

LGB