What Kind of Widow would you be?

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A few years past I read somewhere an article written by a man who asked the question: What kind of widow will you (a husband) leave behind when you die?

The suggested choices were :

  • Grieving widow, incapable of taking care of all she would need to in his absence.
  • Grieving widow who missed her husband terribly but would be able to move on and live her life.
  • Widow who isn’t grieving but happy to be released from her marriage by death.

Well, the ideal of course would be number two, wouldn’t it? Wouldn’t a man want to leave behind a woman who misses him terribly but can at least function in caring for herself, the house and car and kids? That she would have great memories of  husband but able to live a fulfilling life? This is the ideal.

This gets at the idea of legacy.

As a woman in a difficult marriage though, being that kind of widow is a fantasy. I’m sure I’ll be able to handle the challenges that I will face. But I will not be grieving the loss of my husband. I would be relieved to be free of the bonds of  a painful marriage and would grieve what it would do for the kids, for all that I never was able to have while married and probably be thrown into devastating poverty as well.

Well, Lilly Grace, this is morbid and depressing, isn’t it? Not really.  Death is one way God can free us from a bad marriage and no, I am not plotting my husband’s demise.

Now the opposite question could also be asked. What kind of widower do I want to leave behind?

Separation or divorce do not bring complete closure on the pain and difficulties of a bad marriage. In fact the difficulties can sometimes increase. But death is permanent. We have no chance to make amends then. Even if love is dead, can our words reflect the grace of God even if our husbands cannot see it yet? What kind of legacy will we leave?

Lilly Grace


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Stephanie
    Jan 10, 2014 @ 23:41:50

    This post really got me thinking…I have to admit I would have been the widow that would have been happy to be released from a dreadful marriage. I am taking time to reflect on your last paragraph! What a challenge to be what God wants me to be in this circumstance when I have so much disgust and actual hate for my soon to be husband. As always, I thank you for the challenge to give this situation to God!
    Its so hard. I am bitter because of what the children will have to face. I admire the way you handle your situation – please pray that I would have the same Godly gratitude in the Midst of Suffering as you do!


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