The Temptation of a Better Love(r)

So many times over the years, I have had people express this kind of sentiment to me. “You are a delightful woman, if you would just leave your husband, you could then find a man who will love you like you deserve.”

Image courtesy of photostock at

Image courtesy of photostock at

I’ve written on this before, but time to write on it again.

There is no location in Scripture that promises that a divorced woman will find a man who will love her like he should be loved. It’s not there. Some would argue that Scripture says that a divorced woman should never remarry. Ouch. Are you willing to go there?

Now, if my husband chose to leave me, then I would not feel constricted from pursuing another marriage in my future to hopefully the “ideal” man. Oh, wait. He would probably want the ideal woman and that would most certainly not be me.

If someone listened to my husband’s real version of our marriage–not the edited one he presents to people to make himself look good–they might encourage him to leave me too, and get the wife he deserves:

  • The one who will encourage him to pursue his dreams–even if it means not being able to provide for his family.
  • The one will let him control all the money. She’ll probably need a full-time job so as not be dependent on him.
  • The one who is model thin and beautiful. Oh, well, we are talking fantasy right. She’d need to be blonde too. Hey, he’s told me these things.
  • Oh, and she’ll love to have sex no matter how poorly he treats her.
  • She might need to be blind because my husband is not a model.

The fact is, I’m a sinner. Yup. I’m not perfect. I screw up. I’m not perfect or blameless in the demise of my marriage. However, I have sought to honor God and respect my husband even if he fails to love, cherish and provide for me, much less treat me as an equal heir to the throne of grace.

And even if I were a widow, there would be no guarantee of a better marriage for me down the line.

Some people get that dream. I’ve heard the stories and met them and I am so glad for them that they were free of a difficult marriage and found a spouse who loves and adores them through the good and the bad. A man who is worthy of respect, even when she disagrees with him. A man who is easy to follow because he first follows God and loves his wife out of that. It is a beautiful thing to behold.


I do find these guys in the romance novels I write (under a different name). I may not have it in real life, but my characters get a man to admire, who loves them in a Christ-like manner. They get great sex too (implied). Hey, I don’t get any in real life. I give my characters what I cannot have. At least at this point in time.

So ladies, leaving my husband to find the perfect man is a dream and a nice fantasy. It is not a valid argument or even a fair one to dangle in front of a woman struggling in a hard marriage. Oh, it would be so nice to have a man who, as one  quote says “will hug you so tight that all of your broken pieces will fit back together.” Until then, and even after (if it ever comes to that day), I’ll cling to Jesus.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Stephanie
    Nov 21, 2013 @ 17:16:18

    I always enjoy what you have to share! When I mentioned that to you – I never said it was a guarantee! Its okay to hope that it happens!!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: