I Wouldn’t Choose You

Image courtesy of nuttakit at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of nuttakit at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I saw a title of a book called I Choose You and thought, aww, isn’t that sweet. Of course it’s a romance.

And I’ve seen men and women post on Facebook how they would do it all over again with the spouse they married. Or how about those that even renew their vows.

At this point in my  marriage I wouldn’t renew. Part of me starts thinking that maybe I should even shock my husband when he wants to do something I don’t like by saying, “Well, that’s something to consider for when we separate.”  After all, he’s the one who twice threatened to divorce me via a letter. I never gave him the satisfaction of a response and he never served me papers. It was a manipulation tactic.

But the fact is, right now if he asked me if I was happy in our marriage. I would say no.

If he asked me to marry him again. I would say no.

I don’t regret the past. I made the best decisions I could for who I was at the time.

But now, given all I’ve experienced, I would not choose the man whose last name I bear and who has fathered my children.

Why then, am I still married to him?

Because while I may not choose him at this point, I have chosen God and He wants me here and staying for the moment.

And even when I have failed to be all a Christ-follower should be, God has never abandoned me. So I stay because I choose God.

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