The Scapegoat’s “Whatever” Prayer

I had the honor and privilege of sitting down and talking with Crawford Loritts a week ago at a conference. I shared with him about my book and my struggle to stay married.

There were many things he shared with me but the one I want to pass on to you is this.

Your husband’s issue, is not really with you. It’s with God.

How often do I forget this when the enemy attacks? Whether it is an attack from an acquaintance or family member, or yes, even my spouse.


Image courtesy of nuchylee at

His issue isn’t really with me. He’s angry with God and I’m the convenient scapegoat for his anger.

Jesus was the scapegoat too.  In Hebrew theology, the scapegoat was heaped up with the sins of the people – and driven away from the camp. The goat never did anything to deserve the sins heaped up on it. The poor animal was a vehicle to absolve the people of their transgressions before God. Jesus was the same way. HE took on the sins of us all. Sins he never committed and was driven to death. (what do you think happened to that goat, all alone in the wilderness? Um, yeah, it was killed.)

Only the wild animals that killed Jesus, were us. You and me. We laid our sin on his shoulders and he willingly took it.

Now I’m not saying that my role in my marriage is to be the scapegoat for my husbands sins. What sins? Sins of failure to live up to what God calls him to do. Sins of unbelief in the God he may verbally profess to follow.

I may have a lot in common with a goat though. Let’s be honest here. They are mischievous little animals that will eat almost anything. They butt heads. Yeah. I’ve been there done that with my spouse. And they are cute. Can I claim that without being vain? I can get into trouble on my own and have been known to play pranks. My kids know me as being pretty goofy.  Part of this is just our human nature. I’m reminding myself (and you) that none of us are without sin.

But God does not say anywhere in the Old or New Testament that I am to be the scapegoat for my husband’s failures. Nope. Nada.

So this is what Crawford Loritts, wise man that he is, reminded me of.  Sometimes we need to get out of the way and let God deal with our spouse. We have to pray that dangerous “whatever” prayer. Do you know that one? It’s the one where we lay our husband before the holy, just, loving and faithful God of the universe and ask our Lord to do whatever it takes to bring our husband to Him.

That’s hard prayer to pray because as women we do have a sense of self-preservation. God’s dealing with our husband could jeopardize what tiny bit of security we may have in our marriage. Yeah, it’s false anyway, isn’t it? Our true security is only found in Christ.

The “whatever” prayer is a prayer of deep dependence and faith on God and no one else. Not even ourselves. But it removes us from the position of scapegoat which isn’t a fun spot to be in anyway. God doesn’t leave use to the dangers of the wild. He comes along side us in our trials and pain and is faithful and true. Even when we can’t see how He could possibly meet our needs, he does.

Have you prayed the “whatever” prayer and stepped out of God’s way? It can be a daily thing, but oh, so necessary.


Lilly Grace


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Save Your Marriage Saturday – October 27th | AFFAIRCARE
  2. bombladoze
    Oct 28, 2013 @ 20:33:18

    thank you for the reminder 🙂


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