Facing Fear

I never realized until recently just how much fear plays a part in holding me back in my life. Sure I will feel anxious but I never fully embraced the reality that fear was behind it all.

So what am I afraid of?

Well, I’m afraid of my book, Lessons from the Trenches ,doing really well. Now, I know, what kind of silly fear is that? It’s a real one because I do want it to be something that women will find helpful as they seek to stay in difficult marriages. I want to reach my audience. What is scary is putting myself out there because my book is real and at times brutally honest about my own struggle. Private struggles. Some I have never told anyone (except those that have now read and helped me with the book). Sigh.

And because of that authenticity, I don’t want personal publicity. I don’t want to do a television interview or have my face plastered anywhere because I have another name that I live by and I don’t want my persona of Lilly Grace to be connected to that in a public way.

I don’t slander anyone and I would gladly come and do speaking engagements but I don’t want publicity.

How twisted is that?

I’m also afraid because I know that what I write about is controversial. There are many, even in the church that will say that any kind of abuse is just grounds for divorce. I’m not disputing that at all and I’m not advocating for that, however there are many well meaning people who love Jesus who firmly believe that no woman should stay in a difficult marriage. It doesn’t matter to them what Jesus may be telling that wife. They have no room in their argument for obeying God in painful circumstances. Now, they would probably sing a different tune if your spouse was in the hospital or suffering some horrible illness. Sure it’s hard but you stay married. You serve. You suffer and you grow. Unless you Pat Robertson who believes that Alzheimer’s is a good enough excuse for a spouse to divorce. But I digress.

The fact is this. No matter how wonderful my book – or any book is – there will always be haters out there ready to fling stones and condemn and criticize. Still, this is my life and my choice as I follow God. What I find really sad is that it will be Christian’s throwing those stones. People who have not walked in my specific shoes. Or maybe they have walked a similar path and God led them to a different choice.  I’m happy for those who have left and found true love in a healthy marriage. I really am. I wish it were me. But my allegiance isn’t to a pipe dream of wishes that may or may not come true. My allegiance is to Christ and Christ alone.  And it’s a hard path I walk and I want to validate those who are choosing that same path.

So if you are on that path, please pray for me and my book and the team that is helping me get it ready. We have a enemy that would love to stop the message and destroy marriages just as much as we have a God that wants to do wonderful things in and through those of us He calls to stay.

I’m afraid but God is not the author of that fear. The enemy is. But we do not live our Christian lives in isolation.  I would covet your prayers for courage and strength for the months ahead as we prepare. If you are willing to be part of my launch team, my “tribe”, please email me at lillygracebrown@yahoo.com.  I would love to have all the help I can get to spread the word when this book becomes available. Too many women need the hope and to know they are not alone.   You can also follow me at http://www.facebook.com/lillygracebrown or on twitter at @lillygbrown.


Lilly Grace


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