Green-eyed Monster

It amazes me at what I can be jealous of. It’s not a fun sin to indulge in.

A fellow writer just got signed by an agent (the same one I submitted to but haven’t heard back from yet).

A couple who have a great marriage and do things together. Especially a man who treats his wife with honor and respect.

A family who owns their own home instead of renting.

A man who follows through on his promises to his wife.

A man who spends time with his kids, really getting to know them.

A person who can physically do much more than I can with my current spate of physical issues.

A person who is thin and fit since I can never seem to get there.

Now down’t get me wrong. I am happy for the successes of others. I truly am. But all of those successes seem to highlight my own failures. And I have to remind myself that God’s plan for me is unique. I’ve never had the joy of falling into anything that is “normal.”  So why would I expect that to begin now?

The fact is I’m not a failure and am exactly where God wants and needs me to be. Instead of comparing my current reality to someone else’s highlight reel I need to remember that many of those successes came at a cost or with struggles that were painful.

And some people even envy me for whatever reason. (Can’t think of anything enviable).

So today I am trying to console myself and lean on God’s perfect sovereignty.  I may never understand the why of my pain – physical or emotional. I may never see the way He is choosing to use me right now in what I may perceive as “failures” – in my marriage, weight loss, even as a mother or as an author. Maybe it’s better that way. Blind faith in Him who claims to love me best can be hard, but if I”m to survive and overcome this, it’s the only way to proceed.

How about you? Any battles with the green-eyed monster?

Lilly Grace

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