Decorated in Dignity

I’ve been making great strides in my personal life. Confronting some of the lies. Making positive steps forward. I thought I was doing pretty good.

Then I spent the night at a friend’s home. At first I thought I was jealous of the beautiful house and all the lovely things that make it so gorgeous. But I know my friend and I know the yuck she has been through in her life and I would never begrudge her the bounty God has blessed her with in her marriage and the material things she has been able to purchase. Things I cannot even dream of owning.

It was a comfortable home and I enjoyed my stay and her gracious hospitality. I came away refreshed. And a bit inspired.

I also realize that her tastes are different than mine. As beautiful as her home is, I would not decorate quite the way she does. We’re just different.  I would chose different colors etc. Yet I was comfortable there.

But for a little bit there I felt like I was trailer-trash because of some of the ways I do live. See, I’m not a very good housekeeper. My house is relatively clean and tidy but wide open spaces can give more of an appearance of that than there really is. I still have clutter on my desk and in my kitchen. I need to scrub the toilets more often.

But I recognize that I have been believing a lie  believing that I am trailer trash. I get that message (not in those exact words) from two people in my life. My mom and my husband. My husband doesn’t complain about my housekeeping. He’s totally content and rarely lifts a finger to help with anything anyway. Plus he’s rarely here. My kids don’t care either. My mom has always criticized every attempt to create beauty. Nothing is ever good enough. After I showed her a newly painted bedroom , she swiped her finger along a door and told me I need to dust. Wow. Thanks for the affirmation, Mom.

So I gave up caring. If it’s never good enough, why bother?  If my husband doesn’t affirm me for making the attempts, why bother?

I know God does not care if I’ve swept up every dust bunny or crumb. I know He’s not bothered by the stack of papers that need to go to the garbage that have collected on the island in the kitchen, or the stuff to be filed or tossed in my office.

He doesn’t care about that. He cares about my heart.

But my friend’s home expresses the beauty of our Creator. No clutter distracted from that.

I’m distracted by many things. They all take me away from the beauty of God.

And because of the messages I’ve had, I have allowed myself to live as if it were true. That I were trailer trash. Unworthy of beauty and neatness. I’ve been trashed by my husband when I do something creative as it is considered a waste of money. Funny how when I looked at my friend’s stuff all I could see was dollar signs. And grieve the lack of finances to embrace finer things myself.

So I’m challenged to confront my lack of dignity. God says of a wise woman: “Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future.” (Proverbs 31:25)

I don’t smile at the future because it feels like in my difficult marriage it will be more like it has in the past. Because I’m putting all my perception of myself as that of my husband’s words and treatment of me.  Oh, this is so easy to do!

But I’m going to try to walk in dignity. Take more pride in my home. Baby steps at first. Little things over time.  I can make my home sparkle with my personality like my friend has done with hers. I may have limitations in my spouse and finances but that doesn’t mean I have to live like I do. I am creative and I love to express that. Cutting myself off from that denies a part of who God made me to be.

In what ways do you need to put on the mantle of dignity for yourself?

Blessings,

Lilly

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. new old girl
    Dec 09, 2012 @ 15:38:28

    I’m distracted by many things. They all take me away from the beauty of God. – oh boy can I relate to this. Thanks for sharing so honestly.

    Reply

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