The Anti-Love Story?

I chuckled when I discovered that my non-fiction book: “Lessons from the Trenches: Staying in a Difficult Marriage” did not make the cut in the Women of Faith/Westbow competition.

It looks like most of the finalists were romance. Yes, we all want romance. Who wants reality?

A few months back when I was working on the book, a bride-to-be and her mother were sitting down at a table next to me planning for a wedding. The irony of that struck me. She has stars in her eyes, dreams in her heart and confidence in the power of love that will sustain her till she is old and grey through whatever comes their way. It’s a dream we all buy into, isn’t it?

That’s why Disney has made so much money. Why my daughter loves to watch movies about Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid . . . we are raised from early on in the good ol’ US of A to believe that the pursuit of happiness means “happily ever after.”

And no one could tell us it’s a myth. Yet it’s as much a deception as the prosperity gospel that promises that God desires us all to be wealthy and healthy and anything less is an abomination to the faith.

Hosea was told to marry a prostitute and repeatedly take her back as an example to the Israel of how they were treating God. How Hosea’s heart must have been crushed over and over. Now maybe he was a less than stellar example of manhood. We really don’t know. But it had to be a blow to his pride to have his wife repeatedly seek her “entertainment” with other men.

Most women feel shamed and slighted even when a husband chooses to stimulate himself through pornography. It’s like they are not enough to hold his interest, to satisfy his needs. Actually it has nothing to do with that – but tell that to a woman’s hurting heart.

We women long to be the center of our husband’s love. After Jesus, we want to be important, secure, protected, cherished. And we crash inwardly when that is withheld from us for whatever reason.

The enemy is behind all these lies that we have bought into and we are gullible enough to keep pursuing the myth.

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner.  I remember one where I got a dozen red roses. I still have the vase. It’s in my bathroom with silk roses. A mockery of the promise of vibrant love that turned plastic. The diamond I had been given one year, I ended up giving back. I then got it as a necklace, I was too hurt and afraid to wear. Last year due to our financially difficulties I finally sold it to help buy groceries. I put it to better use than sitting in a drawer where it had been for 20+ years, another reminder of pain and sorrow. I still have my wedding ring, although it too feels like a mockery of promises made and unkept.

So reality sucks, doesn’t it? When we have been hurt, abandoned, criticized, abused. . . Valentine’s Day doesn’t seem like a nice holiday. It mocks us and reminds us of our loss and maybe even brings us to grieve again those childhood dreams.

I’m still married in spite of all that. I’m walking in obedience to my Lord in the midst of my pain and struggle. My girlfriend said that my book is not an “un-romance” but rather a look at the most important romance of all – of me and my Jesus. The God who pursued me and gave me more than diamonds. He gave His life to redeem mine. That is true love and it is eternal and far more secure than what any human on earth can give.

So, this Valentine’s Day, I do wish you love and joy. But I pray that you ultimately are finding that in the arms of a Savior who desires you more than any human ever could. He will never leave or forsake you and He will walk with you through the pain of the other disappointments that this life dishes out. This world is not my home. Someday I will have all the hearts and flowers and a place to live beyond compare that my Lord is building for me – and for you.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Blessings

LGB

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Lisa
    Feb 12, 2011 @ 13:36:44

    I remember feeling some of those emotions while I was married to my first husband. I also remember feeling afraid of what would happen if he did decide to leave (which he did, finally). Today I enjoy Valentine’s Day again. I enjoy the reminder to show brilliant, passionate love to my Jesus, to my children and to the man God brought to me just a few years ago. It may not mean flowers, chocolate, roses or jewelry – it’s just a really good day to say “I may not have said this as many times as I should have today, I love you and am really glad you’re in my life.”

    Reply

  2. lillygracebrown
    Feb 12, 2011 @ 14:21:36

    Lisa, I am glad God has brought you to the other side of the pain and struggle you endured! There is a woman in my Bible study who just radiates as being loved by her second husband as well! I really am not against romance at all (i write some!!), but is good for those who are in the midst to have their pain acknowledged and to be pointed to the ONE who loves us so much!!! May you truly have a ” happily- ever- after” in your marriage!

    Reply

  3. Amanda
    Mar 08, 2011 @ 13:05:13

    Thank you for the post, Lilly ~ needed to be reminded that God never leaves us, nor forsakes us. Even when we don’t necessarily understand what He’s doing in our lives. What an encouragement! Our Heavenly Father loves each of us as though there were only one.

    Blessings!

    Reply

    • lillygracebrown
      Mar 13, 2011 @ 06:56:03

      So true – and how often do we seek our fulfillment from other sources only to be disappointed! Yet He, like Hosea, remains faithful to us. What an amazing God! Blessings to you too! Thanks for visiting my blog!

      Reply

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